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MuchMusic's award show itself fared little better. The usual stars were in short supply-instead of Paris Hilton, we got Perez; instead of Spencer and Heidi, we got Whitney and Brody; instead of Billy Talent's tank, we got illScarlet's ice cream truck and Kardinal Offishall's TTC bus; and instead of actual kid Avril we got the aged New Kids on the Block.
It was a dark and stormy night. No, seriously, it was dark and stormy. Throughout the day the clouds repeatedly unleashed their loads and the hordes of kids who set up shop along Queen Street west to see their the musicians and celebs were repeatedly and mercilessly doused.
But let's take it from the top...
7:01pm: Rapper Flo Rida, wearing what I assume are his apple bottom jeans, kicks off Much's televised red carpet segment by saying how happy he is to be here at MTV. D'oh!
7:05pm: Nominee Dallas Green, of City & Colour and Alexisonfire, talks about how Alexis' first nomination was a pre-show award doled out before they even arrived. Hey Wintersleep, consider this foreshadowing.
7:23pm: Across the street, someone walks by holding a sign that reads, "All hope is gone." It's a promo for the new Slipknot album, but after looking at the young masses pressed up against the railings in hopes of spotting Perez Hilton and Simple Plan, I totally know what they mean.
7:27pm: Some serious clouds hover in the distance. Hope they're not moving this way.
7:29:pm: Who let Econoline Crush onto the red carpet?
7:35pm: Rainn Wilson is chatting to Much VJ Devon. "It's a little Rain-y." Get it? Then Wilson delivers the first of many "Umbrella-ella-ella" jokes and threatens to beat the crap out of Devon. Hee.
7:41pm: Ooohhh...lighting!
7:45pm: Canadian Idol winner Ryan Malcolm has been on the red carpet for, like, ever. Is someone going to have to escort him off?
7:50pm: The first award goes to...Wintersleep for best indie video. Alas, they are still waiting for their turn to get on the carpet and thus don't get to accept it.
7:55pm: I totally can't tell who's actually famous and who is just dressed slutty.
7:59pm: Dave Foley, of Kids in the Hall, looks up at the thundering sky and cracks: "I'm gonna start gathering up the musicians two by two."
8:00pm: Too late. The heavens have finally opened up. The torrential downpour sends the VJs, journalists and pseudo-celebs scurrying for cover. I make it inside and join the Degrassi kids (and Snake) in line for a glass of wine, the official drink of the apocalypse. The official harbinger of the apocalypse? The Hills Brody Jenner and his upcoming reality spin-off Bro-mance.
8:40pm: Up on the monitors, Kardinal Offishall is arriving on the red carpet on a TTC bus filled with booty chicks.
9:00pm: The rain lets up enough to let the show begin. And it does so with Flo Rida floating down from the sky to perform an almost unrecognizable, rock mash-up version of "Low" with Montreal mall-punks Simple Plan. 9:12pm: Girlicious: "Sometimes we pull each other's hair, but we really love each other." VJ Matte: "Sometimes girls just want to have fun. Speaking of fun, how much booty-shaking can we expect?" Me: "Sigh." 9:15pm: Best international video goes to...Rihanna, for showing up! I mean, for "Don't Stop The Music."
9:20pm: Hedley continue their winning streak for Best Director after taking home best cinematography at during the pre-show.
9:25pm: But illScarlet steal some of their thunder by rocking out on the roof with fireworks. Rad!
9:30pm: Someone's totally smoking weed in the VIP balcony. Hmmm...wonder where Flo Rida is?
9:40pm: Rihanna wins most watched video, which seems like a hard award to decide given how rarely MuchMusic actually plays videos anymore.
9:45pm: I really like Sean Kingston. He's round, seems nice and has good taste in oldies. But in the immortal words of Randy Jackson, dawg sounds a little pitchy.
9:50pm: Belly wins best hip-hop video, for the second year in a row, by virtue of making the only nominated hip-hop video that anyone has ever seen.
9:55pm: ...And here's next year's hip-hop winner, Kardi, who performs his hit "Dangerous" with Akon. Sure, it's not much of a song, but if that's what it takes to make Kardi a radio star, then so be it.
10:05pm: After some uncomfortable banter about nude drumming with Rainn Wilson, Hedley takes another award home. Singer (and Canadian Idol reject) Jacob Hoggard, wearing a pink fanny pack, blurts out: "this is probably the only rock'n'roll recognition we're ever going to get." Not sure how "rock'n'roll" an MMVA is, but whatevs...this rock band is undeniably on a roll.
10:15pm: Hedley performs and Hoggard is now bare foot with his jeans rolled up to his knees?!? Oh, because it's rainy. Right. It's an acoustic number. Not that bad, actually, but hardly the triumphant rocker one might expect from the night's big winner.
10:20pm: Wow, Mike Myers just did a tiny comedy cameo that didn't pimp The Love Guru!
10:30pm: The answer to how much booty-shaking Girlicious will do is answered with "a lot." One might also ask how much lip-syncing Girlicious will do, but that would be rude.
10:47pm: The night biggest--and by far best--star takes the stage, but decides to debut her molasses-slow ballad "Take a Bow." And she does it while dressed up like Freddie Mercury. OK, you can stop the music now.
10:52pm: Oh yeah, this is an awards show. Best video goes to...Hedley? Yep, Hedley.
10:55pm: New Kids on the Block run through an occasionally off-key medley of past hits ("Step By Step," "Hanging Tough," "Right Stuff") and one weather-inappropriate new single ("Summertime") in their first "primetime" performance in 15 years. But really? This is the hottest headliner Much could find? I'm sure the thirtysomething ladies are squealing but MuchMusic's primary fanbase is probably wondering what the heck Mark Wahlberg's brother and his Timberlake wannabe buddies are doing up onstage. Though props to Donnie's Scarborough shout-out.
And with that, 2008's rain-soaked MMVAs come to a close like NKOTB's comeback once the summer nostalgia wears off.
Candie Feed
1. I think you are just plain rude and unappreciative of MuchMusic's efforts!! I think the show was amazing, the stage was great and they worked well with what celebrities that came to Toronto. And the weather is not MuchMusic's fault you JERK! I'd like to see YOUUUU organize a better award show....or better yet....control the weather! stupid ignorant blogger....why were you even there in the first place if u hated it so much? Loser.
mavis36 at 2:35PM on Jun 16th 2008